I’m training for an ultra marathon in May. Why would I do this? Because I also turn 30 this year. I don’t know why, but 30 feels like an age that I’ve anecdotally seen most decline. I don’t want to be that way. I want my daughter and others to see me still pushing for the limits of what is possible in my daily life. But what about balance in my world?
It feels non-existent. I started at Amazon in 2022, I’m working towards a new startup in my spare time, and also caring for a toddler with my wife while working from home. We also want more kids! I don’t understand why my brain works this way but it just does. Always seeking new challenges, always wondering what is next. It’s horrifying sometimes to think about how much is ahead of me.
Today it is cold where I am, 31 degrees F. My training plan has me on a 2.5 hour run in the mountains at some point today. When you start measuring run times in the hours, it can get pretty easy to doubt yourself and your mission. You really start to wonder why you want to do all of this in the first place.
Why do I feel the need to constantly be in motion, sometimes at the expense of my house, or maybe a nice date with my wife/spending time with my family? I don’t know. But I would like to find out. Self-examination can be horrifying at times, but once you get into the habit it can be hard to stop.
We just don’t want to treat self-examination like yet another thing that we have to get through on our TODO lists. This process deserves love and care, and if we don’t grant ourselves that the wheels will start to come off.
Who knows what the future may hold.